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Wed, Aug. 5th, 2015, 01:29 am
Consent

One of my first nights in college I went out to one of those freshmen get-to-know-each-other type events with a bunch of girls I had been grouped with at campus. I don't remember much about the event, it was so similar to every college event, a bunch of awkward people, but there was this one girl that was so anxious. I made some small talk with her, asked her about her major and whatnot, she didn't really have anything to say. We weren't at the event very long before she said that she wanted to go home. I asked her if she wanted somebody to accompany her, even though that's so out of character for me. I don't feel unsafe getting around in this city and I don't really see why anybody would...but she looked so vulnerable. She said that she did. I rode the safe bus with her until we got to the stop for her dorm, and I let her off. I didn't see her go into the building. I saw her around campus occasionally after that. We never talked again, I never got to know her. I just wonder.

Mon, Sep. 30th, 2013, 01:39 pm
The Tree Line

In the mountains, above the trees
Cold sun thin air where
It's hard to breathe
Theres no people around me here
only Things
And they don't care they can't see
So I start to think, maybe
If I take my sword and make them bleed
They will give me what they shouldn't keep
What they have sewn now I shall reap
Though I have my hood nobody shall I keep
Along too long with me because
At my feet the rocks are cold, but at the core they're burning

Fri, Jul. 26th, 2013, 09:59 pm
My People

Variable rewards can drive a person absolutely crazy. Bring them to their knees. Freaking out. Loss of all reason.

THIS IS WHERE I AM AT

Stage 1. Repeat Stage 1.
Nooo
Is it me or is the world beating?
Where are my people?
WHERE ARE THEY

I need to know now.

Tue, Jun. 18th, 2013, 11:06 pm
The Bottle

Deep inside
Organs writhe
Jack Daniel is
My spirit guide
Spinning eyes
Turning time
Different mind
Dangerous high

Wed, Jan. 25th, 2012, 01:09 am
Comedown

I had a really blatantly metaphorical dream the other night. I was hanging on the outside of the railing to the stairs for the white slide at The Beach, almost to the top. It was somewhat windy and slippery and uncomfortable and my hands were shaking partly because the metal was cold and probably more because I was afraid of falling to my death. The line for the slide extended all the way down to the ground, but nobody in line seemed to notice at all that I was hanging there, and also I made no effort to alert them. Some really crazy omniscient voice said: COME DOWN. And then I was debating how to get down. I thought immediately about climbing over the railing and going down the stairs, but it seemed impossible that the people would move aside to let me down. So then I thought, either I can climb all the way back down this railing (it was a long way) or I can climb a shorter way up to the top of the slide and then take the slide down, but I would have to get all my clothes wet and then I would be wet and cold and uncomfortable. It ended up that I just didn't move because I was too frozen with fear and indecision.

Wed, May. 4th, 2011, 01:04 am
They say Peyote is a humble plant

The soundtrack to my life is my refrigerator.
My body is like being held together with super glue.
My realm of emotions is a ghetto.
I spent $200 on a light-powered watch.
Arabic paper. Arabic homework. Arabic class.
RAPE RAPE RAPE RAPE
Sometimes I spend like 5 hours a day downloading music.
Sometimes I sing gangsta rap to myself in public.
If gender is fluid then I'm drowning in it.
I am the soon-to-be president of the photography club!
I believe without proof that the world is conscious,
and expressive.

Fri, Oct. 22nd, 2010, 11:13 am
Misinterpretations

Do you ever get phantom vibrations? Where you think your phone is buzzing but it's actually not? I get those all the time. I live in an apartment that is downtown and there are so many things buzzing down here: cars, electricity, the elevator of my building. It is nearly unbearable.

Fri, Jul. 23rd, 2010, 12:01 am

Certain days, all the magic is gone. My cactus has fallen ill :( I wanted to write a haiku

I am so obese
And I am so unstable
I almost cried when

My mom found a can
Of raspberry soda in
The back of her car



I am so ugly
But I feel secure with you
By comparison

Tue, Jun. 29th, 2010, 12:44 am

Wed, May. 19th, 2010, 09:41 pm

Reason
Helena Mesa


The weight of what momentarily is


The closest is a cello-

The closer the bare hand, the more pressure, the less song
to dampen what isn't said on the long drive home.
He said a deer crashed through the law firm window
and died. Right where he'd sat.

And I wanted to hold him, grip that cello's neck
and crush its frame. Snap wires, splinter wood.
But I said nothing. Or more likely, I mouthed Jesus
to air, stagnant and humid and hot. Again

silence is a cathedral door
carved with spirals and suns, so heavy with age
it's impossible to pull open, though the beyond is familiar
coolness that might offer relief, if not belief

that inside the moment isn't yet
a malformed moment, another deer
splayed on the side of the road, or even two
grazing in the field you now pass. Here,

Little moment, here-here, little moment-

If I jangle a treat will you leap into our laps?
Stretch and curl, the leash slack
or snap and snarl at each passing car?

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